Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So many bounce houses so little time
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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