i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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