Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
