I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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