You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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