Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
