My first STD was from a foam party
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
