Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
