Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
