Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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