Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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