I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
