so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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