You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
