So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
