i can't believe i had my finger in that
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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