WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
