oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
