only you would photoshop your dick
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
