Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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