I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
