I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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