Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
