so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
