found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
