Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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