I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
