Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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