The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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