i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
