dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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