A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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