I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When are your genitals available?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
