dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
