Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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