So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
