Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
