you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
