The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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