...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
