WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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