Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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