did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
