We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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