sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize