You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
