Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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