i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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