Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
