K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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