I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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