he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
