I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This house was built for laser tag.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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