First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
