Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
