New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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