wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
