Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
