her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
