and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
