I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
