I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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