the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
