Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
