I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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