I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
