Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
