I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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