I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
