i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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