I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
