omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
