I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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